Sharing a car can be a source of frustration, just as sharing a home with flatmates can be fraught, especially if one is obsessed with order or, heaven forbid, a hoarder.
But what are the things that cause the most gripes for couples sharing a car? Turns out it’s rubbish left in the car. I know this from experience. I was once offered a ride in a car full of so much junk, including several pairs of shoes, old food wrappers, coffee cups, and breakfast bowls and spoons coated with concrete-hard Weet-Bix, that there was no room for me.
Auto Trader in the UK surveyed more than 1000 drivers who share a car with their partner, asking them their opinion on how often they fight with their partner over sharing a car, what exactly they fight about, and how much they trust their partner behind the wheel.
The Couples Car Report says the biggest number (34%) said that leaving rubbish in the car is the most frustrating thing their partner does.
The second most common complaint relates to behaviour while the couple are in the car together, with 27% saying that pointing out your driving errors is the most frustrating thing their other half does.
Stuff
Leaving the fuel tank near empty is third on the list of car-sharing frustrations.
And third on the complaints list is leaving the fuel tank near empty (22%).
The report quotes Tina Wilson of Wingman, a digital matchmaking service, who says fighting over cleaning or refuelling the car is a very common problem for people that have different opinions over how they want to use a car.
“Leaving rubbish can show that you don’t take pride in looking after your possessions, or even that you have other priorities – and this is where it can start to cause tension between you and your partner. You may simply be rushing to get home from work and forget to refuel, but this can be very frustrating for your partner when they go to get in it and the car is empty again.
“You should try to remember that a car symbolises far more than just a vehicle to get around. For many, they can have significant emotional ties. It can be years before we finally get a hold of our dream cars, starting off learning to drive in family vehicles, and then buying makes and models within our price ranges until the day it’s possible to invest in a set of wheels you’ve hoped to own your whole life.
123rf
The fifth most frustrating thing about car-sharing is one partner not doing their share of car washing and cleaning.
“Cars can symbolise hard work and self-worth for some. For others, it can also be a safe space, the place where you get some alone time if you live in a busy household, or even just a place where you can mentally escape and listen to your favourite radio show or music. If your partner undermines this, it can feel like a personal attack and cause significant tension.”
But that’s not all. It turns out 20% of respondents trust their partner to look after their pet, but not their car.
And the survey also revealed that nearly one in three (31%) men trust their partner to look after their child but not to drive their car.
All up, just over 38% of the couples surveyed admitted they had fights over the car, with fights being most common in the 25-34-year age group.
Here are the remaining seven complaints in the top ten:
- Constantly changing the driving seat position and settings 19%
- Not washing or cleaning the car enough 18%
- Playing music too loudly in the car 15%
- Exhibiting road rage to other drivers 14%
- Being too fussy or precious over keeping the car clean 14%
- Never checking the tyre pressure 12%
- Never filling up the engine oil, water or washer fluid 11%
DAMIEN O’CARROLL
Micromobility is on the rise, but will an ebike get a fat, grumpy motoring journalist out of his car? (Video first published June 2022)
Does all this matter, you might well ask. According to Wilson, yes, it does.
“Regardless of the reasoning behind why we’re upset about the car – if it feels like your partner isn’t listening to you or understanding why it’s important to you that you want the car to be clean and refuelled, then it can manifest itself as a bigger relationship conflict – that your partner isn’t listening to you, or doesn’t care.
“Dealing with these issues can be very simple, but taking notice and acting shows you are considerate of your partner’s feelings. Showing that you’re doing something about how they feel can go a long way to making your loved one feel understood.”
However, you might not wish to go as far as a friend of mind, who softened the blow for their partner after they had put a (supposedly) small ding in a rental car, while driving on their own. The bill for the damage came through on my friend’s account and the partner was embarrassed to be told the repair was $450. Except it wasn’t. It was $4000. I guess that’s love.
If you can identify with the frustrations of car sharing, or if you have genuinely got it all together, let us know in the comments.
